


The Complexity of Law Enforcement

by Trashire



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bikers, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Police, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Gay Sex, M/M, Minor Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Silly, Smut, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Undercover, Voice Kink, biker kuroo, police tsukki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8717059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashire/pseuds/Trashire
Summary: Murphy's law is simple: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.Agent Tsukishima is perfectly aware of this. Which is why it made no sense to him as to why did he ever accept to go as an undercover agent for this particular mission, so susceptible to failure. He was not supposed to develop these feelings for a criminal.(Or the fic in which Tsukki and Kuroo must either choose advancing in their relationship or keeping their lifestyles, set in a mixture of lawful and chaotic scenarios.)





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter index:
> 
> 1- Pilot: 10% Main characters' background, 90% SIN,  
> 2- Parkinson's Law of Triviality: More on Karasuno's members and their view on Tsukki's mission. A little bit on Tsukki and Yamaguchi's friendship and quite a lot of technical information on semen and DNA profiling.  
> 3- Bushnell's Law: A Kuroo POV with more on his relationships and Nekoma's workings. Expect some criminal minds shit going on with Nekoma's mission but also the human side of these guys.  
> 4- **UPCOMING**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter's rated X, future ones will _probably_ be much, much tamer.

He shouldn’t be doing this.

Kei was lying facing upwards under a major gang leader’s firm grip, eyes closed, mouth open and hands running all over his messy hair, exposed tattoos and leather clothing. He would have to wear a turtleneck if he planned on going out next morning, since his upper body was covered in bite marks already. And they hadn’t even gotten past foreplay.

What’s worse, they were at a cheap motel, over filthy sheets probably used by thousands of couples to have intercourse before them, faulty lights and creaky wooden floors. At least other guests wouldn’t be able to listen to their moans and grunts and thrusts, since they were also quite busy in sinful activity.

Nevermind the fact that he was a police officer, agent Tsukishima had been taken to bed by a criminal. 

He _definitely_ shouldn’t be doing this.

Actually, Kei had a decent excuse. His job _demanded_ he have sex with this guy. Being part of the Karasuno Law Enforcement Agency, he was one of the few specialised police who worked on undercover missions. One of The Crows who was assigned –or more like forced, he could argue– to find out more about the Nekoma Motor Club’s inner workings.

And this guy, the one causing small moans to escape from the agent’s mouth by kissing and nibbling softly into his exposed skin, he was Nekoma’s president, going by the alias of _Kuroi Neko_ ( _Black Cat_ ) –perhaps an overly adorable nickname for a man with no official criminal record despite actively carrying out extortion, fraud and rumour has it that even murder. Neither him nor his peers had ever been caught. It was almost as if Nekoma MC, the largest criminal biker gang in the city, operated invisibly. 

In fact, this _Black Cat_ guy was only known through two photos, the most updated one collected by Karasuno a few months before Kei’s investigation began. Agents Sugawara and Kageyama were responsible for the evidence, since they were in charge of providing images from extensive database. They found a very blurry image of Nekoma’s president exiting what seemed like a gay nightclub with another man, which led to the knowledge that he wasn’t straight. How did they confirm it was him? Simple –or not quite–, they compared the image to the other one available, the government’s official image of one of the most wanted criminals in the country. To gather information, agent Ennoshita (the best at going undercover) followed the couple, and discovered they entered a cheap, filthy motel just a few blocks away.

And agent Tsukishima experienced exactly the same. As he would have to report first thing in the morning, _Black Cat_ approached him, wearing sunglasses indoors (Kei understood that was in order to conceal his identity, but he couldn’t help but think how _idiotic_ that made him look) and with a strange, unfashionable beanie covering his characteristic hairstyle, because he was the man closest to the exit door in the club. Contrary to what he would normally do, for the mission, the policeman smiled as coyly as possible and made it seem as if he did not recognise the gang leader at all, parting his lips for him as he pleased and following him to that same nasty motel.

As soon as they reached the bedroom, alias _Black Cat‘s_ offered Kei a drink. Obviously, he rejected it, arguing that sex felt much less pleasant when alcoholised. To his surprise, Nekoma’s president did not insist, and instead drank the beverage himself. That confused agent Tsukishima greatly _(wasn’t this guy intending to drug me with this drink? Is he taking the drug himself or was he honestly, purely offering an innocent drink?),_ but he shook it off to appear natural. 

The major thing Karasuno asked from him was to find out _Black Cat‘s_ true identity and to uncover Nekoma’s workings from the inside. Sure, Kei did not expect the sly biker to blurt out his name out of nowhere nor to allow him entrance to the club’s headquarters, so the plan was to play with his feelings, to gain his trust. 

To make him fall for him.

And that’s why agent Tsukishima was deemed perfect for the job by his fellow investigators. He was deemed a stone cold, passionless individual, who’d have to act out the role of a handsome young gay man to trick their target. Kei despised the job _and_ everyone else at Karasuno (except for agent Yamaguchi, perhaps).

“So, are you a top or a bottom?”

The question rang its way into Kei’s ears, again, taking him aback. He was sort of expecting _Black Cat_ to control everything, picturing his personality to be rather abrasive as Nekoma’s president. Plus, the leather pants and edgy tattoos (visible only once he took off his coat) did not help to change that perspective. 

“Versatile, then? Come on, I won’t bite too hard if you let me know.”

 _Versatile_. That was fair enough for Kei. But even though he was supposed to play along and be all sultry and romantic with the guy, he couldn’t hold back his rather _peculiar_ personality.

“You’ll only be able to know if you don’t throw me away after today.” The agent cooed, yes, _cooed,_ approaching alias _Black Cat_ at the bed, moment in which he made himself comfortable sitting on top of him.

Kei pressed his body against the length of Nekoma’s leader, proceeding to tease him very lightly over those tight pants. From instinct, he began whispering small moans in a trail from side to side, making sure the warm air reached his ears without actually touching them. 

“Provoking me is not a good idea if you want to be able to walk tomorrow and meet me again.” _Black Cat_ advised, focusing his eyes on Kei’s, as his hands ventured towards the small of his back and into his buttocks. “Unless being ravished is exactly what you want.”

“Seems as if that's exactly what _you_ want.” The agent smirked, mimicking his current partner. “How about we make a deal. I’ll meet you tomorrow again if you give me a name to call out when we do it.”

That’s when _Black Cat’s_ expression got serious for a second, sign that Tsukishima would make sure to remember. 

“Call me Tetsurou.” He replied, back with the smirk.

 _Tetsurou._ That rang a bell for Kei, but he couldn’t actually tell exactly _why_ and, most importantly, whether the extortionist was actually telling the truth. But that’s all he had, so Tetsurou it would be.

“Tetsurou doesn’t roll off easily. How about Tetsu?” The policeman suggested, in a low voice. Little did he know that would drive his subject completely mad.

Instantly, Tetsurou positioned himself facing Kei from above, leaning inwards to invade his mouth in a way that felt much more passionate than before. He wasted no time in getting rid of Kei’s button-up shirt, leaving a trail of kisses from his abdomen up to his lips. Sooner than later, Tetsurou changed those kisses for rougher nibbles, sometimes bites, leaving more marks than Kei would have asked for. 

That’s when he noticed, he _absolutely_ shouldn’t be doing this.

Of course, Kei wouldn’t detail their sinful action to his Karasuno police department at all. At most, he could prove Tetsurou’s “aggressive tendencies” from the bite marks. That’s where his report would end.

Anyways, Nekoma MC’s president was only being rough on instinct, triggered by the diminutive. He wasn’t usually like that, but for some reason he felt like making sure his partner would never forget that night.

“Now, now, it’s only fair that I’m allowed to call you by your name as well, isn’t it?” Tetsurou sort of asked. Luckily Kei was prepared for that situation. 

“You can call out Ken as loud as you wish.”

Again, unaware of what those names triggered inside of the MC’s president, Kei had acted rationally. Tetsu would be easier to call out in order not to fuck up (after all, he was once abandoned hard after mistaking his partner’s name for another guy’s) and Ken was similar enough to Kei in pronunciation yet distinct enough in kanji. He did not understand what meaning they had for Tetsurou.

But he did know they meant _something,_ or otherwise the dark-haired hunk would not have stopped for a few seconds.

I wasn’t long until he returned to the rhythm, though. Kei’s pants were snatched away, revealing a very visible bulge hidden only by his underwear. Tetsurou seemed pleased by the sight, yet made no eye contact with him. It was actually reassuring to the agent, who would not need to put such a great effort in maintaining _tender_ eye contact anymore. 

“So, _Tetsu._ What are you planning to-” 

It wasn’t necessary for Kei to finish his question to be answered, since he soon felt the warmth of the criminal’s mouth covering his erection, already spilling drops of precum. His boxers were shoved down immediately, as if they were feather-light. It should _not_ feel _this_ good, but he was enjoying the favours far too much. And it seemed as if Tetsurou was just as amused by it, using his tongue with just the right force in ways that made Kei’s body twitch in pleasure.

 _Kuroi Neko_ surely made a name for himself after the Motor Club he led, but agent Tsukishima could certainly observe the cat aspect in his agility. Tetsurou, who had been fully clothed up to that point, removed his vest and shirt in a couple of quick movements, all whilst continuing to pleasure Kei with either his mouth or hands. _How._

Those tight leather pants teasing onlookers with those swoon-worthy thighs were still there, though. Kei was definitely not going to allow that to continue like so any longer.

Luckily for him, Tetsu seemed to have a similar idea in mind.

“I hope you’re not expecting me to be the only giver.” He stated, pulling away from treasuring Kei’s painfully hard cock as he stood up next to the bed. Those tight leather pants didn’t slide off as easily as Kei’s jeans, but the sight was sure to be enjoyed. “If you haven’t given any blowjobs before, I hope you’re a fast learner able to follow the master’s example.”

At times like this, Tsukki certainly questioned his life choices.

Kei had already approached Tetsurou, this time on his hands and knees for closer contact. _Of course_ he knew how to give a blowjob, please. If he knew something about sex, it was how to give a blowjob.  
At first, Kei decided to act shyly, leaving small, almost unwilling licks on the tip of Tetsurou’s eager erection. This teasing, of course, got him quite impatient. But Kei didn’t even allow his hands to push his head further inwards, since he suddenly took all of his length into his mouth. Wet thrusts ranging from sweet and slow to quick and slightly rough, with the right amount of teeth, made Tetsurou moan almost so gently Kei almost forgot he was a criminal. 

And then, he kept in mind another important event that he’d have to report next morning.

“Ken…ma…” Tetsurou called out, tenderly.

 _Kenma._ This guy was certainly someone important to Nekoma’s president. Kei began analysing the possibilities: he could be a lover, an ex boyfriend, a really good fuckbuddy… Or even a frustrated love interest, perhaps? Yet with all the thinking going on in his mind, Kei seemed completely unaffected and continued with the favours.

It seemed as if Tetsurou didn’t notice anything at all. He let himself dive in the pleasure, allowing Kei control over his movements. Kei enjoyed his taste, his slow thrusts to help him reach deeper, his hands running all over his back, and started missing them as soon as Tetsurou pulled back to reach out for some lube in his backpack.

“Don’t move; you’re perfectly fine like so.” He explained, quickly, before positioning himself on the opposite side of bed to be able to lube him up.

Before Kei could comment on that, he felt a warm and pleasurable, quite unfamiliar sensation on his lower back. It was invasive, not painful yet definitely _somewhat_ uncomfortable at first. Those movements were the ones that sparkled tingles all over his body, provoking gentle moans as he grabbed onto the sheets even tighter. Tetsurou didn’t even bother using the lube just yet; he began with his tongue, circling it just outside and inside Kei’s entrance gracefully. He couldn’t resist but massage his buttocks while he was at it, delivering a couple of well-meant soft spankings in the way.

Kei started to believe he would actually get to _enjoy_ this mission.

Tetsurou then aligned his own length with Kei’s back, once he felt he was ready. As quickly as he could, _Black Cat_ lubed a condom inside out before putting it on, throwing the containers away. 

“Ready?” Tetsu asked, before covering Kei’s entrance with just the tip of the condom. His hands were placed on both sides of his hips, eager to control the speed, but not as eager as both males’ precum-overloaded erections. “I figured you’ve done this before.”

Kei gulped, only able to agree with his head.  
And thus, after a few minutes of thrusting and name-calling, without the need to change position, they both came. Heh, now Kei had collaborated in the soiling of the already dirty enough sheets. And he was _so_ eager for a shower.

“So, Ken.” Tetsurou almost sighed, as he lay over the bed with both hands behind his head. Kei considered laughing at the fake name he’d set up for himself, staring at the _very_ handsome criminal he had next to him or wondering how did he end up like this. “That was fucking amazing.”

“I’ve known better.” Kei decided to let him know, although it was a blatant lie. He had put his boxers back on, but Tetsurou hadn’t.

“Then I’ll make sure you won’t know anyone better than me, tomorrow.” 

Tetsurou had a mischievous aura to him, Kei was certain of that much. But he didn’t seem like an actually _evil_ criminal at all, more like a victim of his environment, probably. There was so much to discover. 

“You seem too eager for that. Haven’t you had any better partners?”

“I’m just curious about you, there’s so much I don’t know.”

Hm, _same,_ agent Tsukishima thought. Now they were both in similar positions, willing to investigate more about the other without giving away too much information. Stalking in mind, Kei planned on uncovering _Black Cat’s real_ identity, and all he got was the name Tetsurou.

And, well, sperm reminders in the condom at the rubbish bin.

_Watch out, Nekoma Motor Club, watch out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Shameless self-publicity: Follow me at [my Tumblr](https://trashire.tumblr.com) for updates on fics, trashy posts and some good-quality reblogs from amazing people. It's new, actually.)
> 
> I'M AS FILTHY AS THAT MOTEL. (Yet writing porn is still so, so _hard._ )
> 
> This is my first work for the Haikyuu!! fandom, so it might be quite ooc or just generally inaccurate. If any of this occurs, please make sure to let me know! Feedback through comments/kudos is well appreciated!
> 
> So, it's a pilot because, well, it's a test. Expect more nsfw-ish stuff, but depends on the mood I'm in when writing (and if readers actually _want_ nsfw). However, the plot is centred mainly on Tsukki's attempts to follow along the mission he was assigned as Kuroo's antics plan to distract him. Plot twist though: I plan on Kuroo bottoming and Tsukki topping some time along the road :B Oh, and expect Kenma and Yams and other characters appearing soon! I'm sort of really excited for this, ahhh!
> 
> And it should be said, English isn't my first language, so feel absolutely free to correct any misspellings and such. (What's my first language, you ask? Spanish! I intend to write a Spanish translation for this fic later on).
> 
> Thanks for reading! ^-^


	2. Parkinson's Law of Triviality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Members of an organisation give disproportionate weight to trivial issues.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **No explicit porn in this chapter! Stuff needs to be explained.**
> 
>  
> 
> Shenanigans:
> 
>  
> 
> _“Tsukki got laid yesterday!”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Urusai, Yamaguchi.”_
> 
> _“Gomen, Tsukki~”_

“So, Tsukishima-kun.” Agent Sugawara called, fondly. Everyone who wasn’t busy working undercover or at some other sort of mission was gathered together by Suga, at the absence of agent Sawamura. “What can you report on _Black Cat_?”

Kei was exhausted. Last night had worn him out more than he thought it would, and some events happened to be slightly blurry in his mind. He hadn’t been drinking any alcohol, nor accepted the suspected drugged beverage _Black Cat_ wanted to offer him, so he could not make out any possible reason for those few holes in his memory from their encounter.

So, naturally, he would blame his tiredness in the newfound motivation he had had in the mission. Previously, agent Tsukishima would just make use of his natural cleverness to solve issues and let everyone else analyse his findings, but in this case, he had put in _effort,_ positively surprising everyone, but mostly his closest friend Tadashi.

Kei had known Tadashi for what seemed like forever. Tadashi considered Kei to be his only friend, considering he had protected him from bullies at a young age. Kei, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care much about bonding at all, and it wasn’t until high school that they “officialised” their friendship.

_By watching porn together._

Ever since, Kei became much closer to Tadashi, but he could never see him past his best friend with occasional benefits. Agent Yamaguchi reciprocated, since the Tsukishima who had sparked his romantic interest was another one: Kei’s older brother, Akiteru.

Regardless, many agents at Karasuno suspected a relationship between the two of them exclusively on their closeness. Others simply liked mocking them.

Agent Tanaka, for instance, wasn’t shy at all when commenting. “Bro, you abandoned your boyfriend for a mission in which you need to have sex with another guy, I don’t know whether to shame you or praise you…”

Nor was agent Nishinoya. “Praise him, he’s getting twice the booty!”

Kei was too tired to deal with them, and opted for silence.

Luckily, Suga-san was a _no bullshit_ sort of person when it came to serious issues. “Can you two _try_ to act mature for once? That is, if you enjoy your job in here~” Said with a smile too bright to appear genuine, agent Sugawara spent enough time with agent Sawamura to control the other _Crows_ properly.

Of course, both of them immediately straightened up and said nothing else. Silence and encouraging looks from everyone around him indicated Kei he was expected to speak up, and as much as he wanted to ignore the sign, he happened to be quite eager to inform his fellow agents about his findings.

“My plan was to take back a small sample of his sperm to analyse it and find out more about his identity. It’s very likely he’s taken some sort of sperm analysis test or at least a general medical revision, so I’m hoping this person’s DNA will be readily available in our database.”

“Nice plan, Tsukki!” Agent Yamaguchi exclaimed, as if a sudden revelation had taken place in front of his eyes. He was so proud.

“But _Black Cat_ was stubborn in trying his best to complicate the mission. He wouldn’t leave until I did, as if he already _knew_ enough about my intentions. I could feel his eyes observing each of my movements, and even dared smirk when I got close enough to the rubbish bin.”

Agent Tsukishima couldn’t help but chuckle lightly, remembering the trash incident. It took place after both him and Tetsurou had taken a shower –separately, since space was too limited for two in there– and gotten dressed, about to leave. Of course neither of them was risking falling asleep and becoming vulnerable to the other’s _macabre_ intentions.

>   
>  _Kei thought Tetsurou wasn’t looking and that he had found the perfect opportunity to take the condom out of the bin and hide it in his pocket. However, he found himself straightening his back as Black Cat’s characteristic low voice rang its way into his ears._
> 
> _”Greeting your family member at last, I see.” Tetsurou laughed, fixing his vest as he stood with his back against the door, as if waiting for Kei to retire so he could follow shortly afterwards._
> 
> _“Oh, **please** , Tetsurou-san.” Agent Tsukishima replied, feeling quite amused, much better after taking the shower. Plus, he could obtain some information on his subject’s personality that might be useful for someone else to analyse. “It’s quite clear you’re the trashy one here.”_
> 
> _“Prove your point, glasses.” For someone who was suspected of extortion and fraud, known for running an organised criminal organisation, Tetsurou looked quite **relaxed** in Kei’s eyes._
> 
> _“You chose this very trashy establishment, drank cheap whiskey from a **mug** *, and wore this provocative outfit.”_
> 
> _Tetsurou grinned, closing his eyes. Kei didn’t get what was so funny about a completely true statement, but used the opportunity to snatch the used condom into his back pocket, regardless of how disgusting that was._
> 
> _And once he thought he had things under control, Kei got closer to Tetsurou. “Oh, but I’m not done. Your tattoo collection involves a **’bed hare don’t care’** sign in it, surprising considering I didn’t think your intellect would allow you to think of that pun through images.”_
> 
> _That’s when Tetsurou opened his eyes, placing his right hand over his chest as if in deep pain. “That hurt, Ken. I can’t possibly contain all the suffering you’ve inflicted on me.” He still had a really amused expression, something Kei found quite frightening, honestly. “Now, I didn’t know you had a thing for keeping your partners’ used condoms, what’s that about?”_

“Somehow, he figured me out, and I ultimately gave him a really lame excuse.” Agent Tsukishima didn’t give any explicit details on the whole story; such thing would be far too embarrassing. He had _confessed_ to Tetsurou that he, in fact, understated how much he liked the experience, and that he was planning to masturbate first thing morning to his smell. _Nice save._ “Fortunately, I was convincing enough, or he was pleased by it. Regardless, one of you can analyse the findings now.”

Tadashi beamed an honest smile at his friend, receiving the frozen sperm still in the condom. Wearing medical gloves, of course. As both him and Kei were well aware of, sperm could live up to 48 hours in a dark, closed environment, so the hopes were that this sample hadn’t been completely killed off in the time it was in the condom.

Agent Yamaguchi ran off to get the sample analysed as soon as possible. “I’ll take this to Shimizu-senpai! We’ll catch Nekoma’s president super quickly!”

“Good job, Tsukishima-kun.” Suga-san smiled, honestly this time. He seemed really proud of his small _Crow,_ even if the mission might have been quite unethical, overall. But hey, he once risked his life by tricking a straight guy into falling for his female persona to tape his verbal abuse towards pre-op trans women, for which the guy ended up arrested and actual M2Fs couldn’t be too offended by the agent’s disguise. Karasuno’s mum was _savage_. “Now, if you happened to have extra information, sharing is caring!”

“I’ve got a name.” _Tetsu. Ken…ma._ “In fact, I got two.”

The surrounding agents gave a nod of encouragement; reason enough for Kei to feel the need to keep his knowledge a secret. Plus, the information might be inaccurate, and he _could_ ultimately be blamed for it.

“I don’t know whether it’s his real name, but he asked to be called Tetsurou.” Agent Tsukishima could observe agent Sugawara’s expression turn into a frown, as if trying to remember something. Perhaps he recalled a childhood friend… “And when I gave him my pseudonym, instead of simply calling out _Ken,_ he said _Kenma._ So, I don’t know, perhaps that name means something important to the guy.”

Agent Ennoshita, who had been mostly silent throughout the meeting, decided to make an intervention. He was the one to follow the suspect two days before that, so it made sense he would have made some mental connections. “Didn’t he name _Suguru Daishoo_ again?” All other agents turned to face Chikara. “Remember? The name _Black Cat_ used to sign into the motel when I spied on him and his partner?”

>   
>  _Daichi Sawamura, lead agent of Karasuno, got everyone together to share some very important news one day, followed by Chikara Ennoshita. The usually calm and quiet agent had a lot to say about his findings on Nekoma’s leader._
> 
> _“Luckily, I got to the motel before they did. I pretended to be a customer talking into my phone when Black Cat and his tall partner approached.”_
> 
> _“I believe having sex with animals is illegal… So I still don’t understand why did no-one at the motel denounce that.” Ah, agent Kageyama. So smart when working on the analysis of information and knowledgeable on criminal organisations yet so simple-minded outside of that…_
> 
> _“And why are we expecting agent Tsukishima to go undercover and make this cat fall for him? Isn’t that dangerous? Aren’t we the good guys in law?” Ah, agent Hinata. Oddly talented in making suspects speak up, yet so idiotic outside of that…_
> 
> _Kei thought they were perfect for each other, both endangering the Karasuno Law Enforcement Agency with their unaware stupidity. Agent Sawamura would have replied, quite annoyed by the fact that they couldn’t grasp the concept of an alias, but Suga-san stepped ahead to elaborate nicely. “Kageyama-kun, Hinata-kun. This isn’t literally a cat we’re talking about… It’s Nekoma’s president’s alias. Just like there’s **Shiroi Neko** or **Orenji Neko** in the same gang.”_
> 
> _“I heard **Black Cat** wanted to have **Cat Daddy** as an alias…” Agent Azumane contributed, accidentally inciting very strong laughs from his fellow teammates. _
> 
> _Agents Nishinoya and Tanaka were far too amused by that comment. “Imagine those newspaper headlines like: **’Cat Daddy on the loose’, ‘It’s raining dogs and cats after police finally find Kate Upton’s ideal Cat Daddy.’ ‘That one old song named like this criminal is banned for indecency’**.” _
> 
> _“Parkinson was right…” Daichi sighed, having to pull out a couple of ‘red cards’ out of his pocket to warn his co-workers. Sooner than later, the laughing gave way to complete silence. “Agent Ennoshita, please continue.”_
> 
> _“So, uhm, I might have overheard some of **Black Cat** and his previous partner’s conversation, and I know I might not be qualified enough to go undercover yet, but with what I was able to collect, the suspect signed into the hotel under the alias of **Suguru Daishoo.** ” Everyone, particularly Kei, began taking notes. “After I carried out a short investigation, this individual seems to be the leader of another criminal organisation: **Nohebi Crime Syndicate.** Only a couple members have been caught, but they were shortly released after police saw no apparent sign of criminal behaviour in them.” _
> 
> _“Right, Nohebi.” Tobio reassured, with his reflective expression. “They’re infamous for robbery, pickpocketing, theft, counterfeiting, and so much more…” Since Shouyo looked puzzled, he explained. “Robbery, you know, stealing by using force. Pickpocketing as in stealing without the victim noticing and theft referring to the overall behaviour. Counterfeiting is a subcategory of forgery in which the criminals imitate currency, thus creating fake bills with the intention to deceive others. In general, Nohebi recurs to the most common way to obtain money, but they’re not some mediocre gang. They fool their victims well enough so they can’t profile them and they’re some of the best actors in the criminal world when it comes to being nice to authorities…”_
> 
> _Right, cool, but what did Nohebi have anything to do with his mission? Kei was starting to get bored._
> 
> _“Exactly, and they’re also known as one of Nekoma MC’s greatest nemesis.” Ennoshita finally commented. “Even if they’re not into the same criminal activities like Seijou and Shiratorizawa in the Cartel world, Nekoma and Nohebi’s rivalry can be considered almost as strong.”_

Kei was pretty certain Tetsurou was the one to sign them up into the motel the night before, but one of his memory holes was the name he used.

“Sorry, agent Ennoshita, I can’t recall if he used Nohebi’s president’s name.”

Chikara seemed disappointed, but continued listening to what everyone else had to say. All agents were analysing the information, yet simultaneously waiting for someone to speak up.

Ultimately, it was Suga-san who broke the analytical silence. “Well~ We can start by checking on _every single_ Tetsurou and Kenma on social media or medical records and try to find out their identity. And then we can relate the suspect’s medical information to the DNA data!”

Agents nodded and smiled. Perhaps some of the information collected could help them trace Nekoma MC at last. To add to the good vibes, agent Yamaguchi returned. But his expression was definitely _not_ demonstrating any positivity. “Yamaguchi-kun, what happened?”

Unfortunately, Tadashi appeared to be too defeated to speak up. He seemed to either want to punch a wall or cry, so definitely bad news. Agent Shimizu followed him closely, disposing of her medical gloves into the nearest bin before apologising to her fellow investigators. She was in charge of most of the forensic analysis, along with beginner agent Hitoka, who was currently in biology classes.

“Spermicidal lubricant condoms.” Agent Shimizu stated, blankly staring into the ground. She seemed rather embarrassed, though. “Sorry, but no DNA molecules were fit for analysis.”

It wasn’t long before Kei understood what had happened. _So Tetsurou wasn’t as careless as he seemed._

An unavoidable silence fell into the room, representing the death of a great part of their evidence. Agent Nishinoya was the one to break it. “Whatever, then Tsukishima-kun can get another sample for tomorrow, right?”

"I refuse to continue with this mission."

A collective _**”What!?!?”**_ could be heard from everyone else’s expressions. Agent Yamaguchi seemed like he wished to punch himself to start crying now. “Don’t let this discourage you, Tsukki! We were close, there was no way you could’ve suspected about the spermicidal…”

"It’s not that.” Kei argued, fixing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose. “I embarrassed myself enough already, plus he's expecting me. Taking into account the fact that he was using spermicidal lubricant condoms means he could have been expecting a DNA profiling, and since he noticed me taking it home, he might suspect about me even more. He might bring some fellow gangsters and force me to reveal information about our organisation."

Another lugubrious silence fell into them. After all, everyone could make sense out of Tsukishima’s explanation.

“Then I’ll be your bodyguard.” Tadashi stated, worried expression gone. He didn’t even flinch, fully convinced of this idea. “Me and agents Tanaka and Ennoshita can hide nearby and we’ll defend you if anything seems suspicious.”

Ryuu and Chikara looked at Tadashi, then at each other, and nodded.

But Kei wasn’t convinced. “You can do whatever you want, I won’t be going anyways.” So he exited the room, calmly, towards the lounge.

The embarrassing part about the ordeal definitely weighed on agent Tsukishima, but that lacked depth. That wasn’t it. Kei knew the point of the mission was gaining Tetsurou’s trust to uncover his identity and Nekoma’s workings, but he was quite scared of that. Not because he could hurt Tetsurou’s feelings if he managed to make him fall for him, he wasn’t a sap, but because he could reveal his own identity and never be able to work as an agent again. At least that’s what Kei would tell himself. It wasn’t as if the possibility of _him_ falling for Tetsu was there _at all_.

The simplest option was to retire. There would be many more missions to come; he could just leave this one to agent Ennoshita, who seemed quite interested.

As soon as he got in the lounge, Kei sat down heavily on one of the couches. He was planning to free his mind a little bit, perhaps take a book on a completely unrelated matter and get distracted or shuffling his music player.

However, Tadashi wasn’t letting that happen.

“You seemed so passionate on this, so don’t give up now!” He almost _screamed_ , suddenly standing up in front of Kei. _When did he-_ “We’ve gotten over this, Tsukki.”

Now, now, he was starting to act like a pesky mum.

“I was never passionate on this mission. I just happen to do my job.”

“ _Bullshit!_ ” Now that _did_ surprise Kei slightly, because no matter now old he got, he could never assimilate Yamaguchi swearing. “It’s quite clear you are either thrilled by the idea of knowing more about the underground Nekoma and getting them jailed, or this Tetsurou guy got you charmed.” And that was even more surprising. “I don’t know what it is, but you’re not quitting. If the latter is true and you don’t want him discovered and jailed for what he’s done, I-”

“Yamaguchi, do you _know_ me?” Kei asked, staring right back into his friend’s eyes. “I want him jailed for good after we get enough proof, but I can’t risk _him_ being the one to get enough proof about us. It’s better if-“

“If you get him to take you into Nekoma’s headquarters. How can we ever reach their operations base otherwise?”

* * *

 

"You're late." Was Tetsurou's first statement once Kei stepped a foot inside the same bar. _Oh shit,_ he thought he seemed rather upset, but couldn't quite make out his expression under the dim lighting. Nah, extortionist or not, Tetsu was a complete dork. "Not very Japanese from you, glasses."

Of course, Kei's reply was a simple "sorry" as he walked alongside Tetsurou on the street. This time, he noticed he had changed his clothing style, and was wearing a suit. Oh, and he got his hair tamed down and slicked back, with what seemed like twenty cans of hair spray.

“Choosing different attire doesn’t make you any less trashy, Tetsurou-san.” Kei teased, feeling quite confident after talking for quite some time with Tadashi.

“How did you know that was my purpose?” Tetsurou replied, almost pouting.

There were no apparent signs of any danger approaching, but Yamaguchi, Tanaka nor Ennoshita were nearby either. Agent Tsukishima had reassured them he could fight back by himself, and it took less time than convincing Suga-san from letting him go once again to that filthy bar.

Fortunately, Kei thought, Nekoma’s president took him to a nearby _hotel_ this time. It looked much less filthy, much more expensive and a lot more difficult to leave without sleeping in a bed. This time, he was set to remember if Tetsurou used Suguro Daishoo’s name to sign up. 

Neither did Tetsurou use Daishoo’s name or Kei remember the one he used.

He could figure his forgetfulness had to do with his stupid mind preferring to remember every single beautiful feature in Tetsurou's body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Shameless self-publicity: Follow me at [my Tumblr](https://trashire.tumblr.com) for updates on fics, trashy posts and some good-quality reblogs from amazing people. It's quite new, actually.)
> 
> WELL THIS CHAPTER DIDN'T TAKE A _LOT_ OF INVESTIGATION AND CRAMMING AT ALL.
> 
> *So uhm, just felt the need to point out that I’m quite the trashy author, because the _“drinking alcohol from a CUP”_ thing is self-inspired. I’m so sorry. And also, I apologise for the horrifying puns I have made and will continue to make throughout this fic. 
> 
> I would also like to ask readers: would you be okay with the inclusion of Nohebi? I’m not finished with the manga and my perspective on this team might be quite biased, so I’d like to know if you are okay with this? Like, overall, if you would be able to understand or if you’d prefer me not to take the Nekoma/Nohebi rivalry as a focus point.
> 
> Oh, and I've determined weekends as my update dates, I think. Mostly saturday nights in my time zone (GMT–5).
> 
> Comments and kudos are well appreciated. Massive massive thank you to everyone who did so last chapter!


	3. Bushnell's Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**“All the best games are easy to learn and difficult to master”.** _

A couple of weeks had passed since the last time Tetsurou had met with Kei in some sort of hotel. But only a day since they had seen each other. Not that they met every single day; the most accurate description would be around two or three times per week.

However, Tetsurou had decided to be _a little bit_ more adventurous and take his cute fuckbuddy onto various locations. Even the bar they often met up had changed, and now they simply chose their next encounter the night before.

As _innovative_ as this might seem, Nekoma’s president didn’t have that in mind when deciding not to frequent that bar or stay in hotels any longer.

His issue was a safety concern.

Tetsurou Kuroo had been Nekoma Motor Club’s president for as long as anyone could remember, guiding every member along the process of integrating in the gang and leading most operations. His MC was part of the 1%, which meant they did not simply make up a group of bikers who ran around town looking cool, they were quite dangerous. In fact, Nekoma was the largest criminal biker gang in the city, but they were never caught.

_What_ they did was well known to agencies such as Karasuno: extortion, kidnappings, fraudulent impersonations or phone scams and some would argue that even _murder_. However, _how_ they did it so efficiently, _when_ and _where_ were they going to attack and _why_ didn’t police ever catch them were still unknown. 

The president knew perfectly well that he was not the one who made Nekoma as powerful as it was. It was all thanks to Kenma Kozume.

_Nekoma’s brain and heart._

Tetsurou had known Kenma almost forever, since they both lived in apartments in the same street when younger. They often played volleyball in a nearby court, if Kenma could be convinced to leave home, or simply stayed inside playing videogames together. Their neighbourhood could not be said to be affluent, but it was not the worst place ever either. At least they had functioning electricity, water and sewage systems to support themselves properly. But the major issue affecting the entire area was crime.

Ever since they were young, they had been exposed to criminal activity on a daily basis. Sometimes a woman could be seen pointing another one with a gun yelling something about some debt or a small child could single-handedly pickpocket from an unsuspecting visitor. A new gang controlled town almost every week, so rivalries led to outbursts of violence weekly. None of this was a secret to anyone, so most people were weary when entering the neighbourhood. Even Kenma, who was not the type to go out every day, could perceive delinquency, be it from outside noises or from news reports.

In fact, it was this way in which he developed fantastic perceptive abilities, to be able to know when was a raid going to occur and warn his family and friends, and exceptional disguising abilities, to be able to hide from criminals’ radar.

In those streets, it was a matter of survival.

Kuroo-san was perfectly aware of his buddy’s abilities, and had always respected him deeply. He had also developed skills as defence mechanism, becoming particularly efficient at _avoiding_. After learning from both personal and collective experiences, he memorised by heart every single escape route in town, so that if, for instance, he were to be cornered by a violent individual, he could easily climb up the walls and run through the roofs onto safety.

They were too pure for the crippling reality, too good. Cheap videogames and illegally streamed movies were their escape when going out was too dangerous.

_Until they were forced to join the system._

Kenma always found it difficult to socialise with others, considering the fact that he disliked going out in the first place. Even walks to school seemed tedious to him. But Tetsurou would always find his way into his life, like it or not, for which he was thankful. It wasn’t that Kenma was Tetsurou’s only friend. In fact, the older student was quite social, being friends with most innocent, pure children at the time, and had no problems interacting with people. Nevertheless, he could be mostly seen hanging out with Kenma, for no other reason but his major, frustrated childhood crush on him.

_“He takes me away from reality.”_ Tetsurou would argue, when questioned about his crush. _“He’s the only one who won’t say I’d end up a criminal like everyone else from town, who can keep my feet on the ground while still letting me enter another world, who can accept or deny most of my stupid ideas based on logic…”_

And now, Tetsurou had found someone else who allowed him to escape reality. To escape his _new_ reality.

“He’s not like the others.” He explained to Nekoma’s mum, Morisuke Yaku, as they organised some ropes and guns into a large bag. The ambitious plan was to leave for a mission in a few minutes, with the objective to capture the son of one of the country’s richest bankers. “He has never found my constant outfit and location changes suspicious nor made me feel like an actually bad person, you know? But he has really weird kinks. I calculate a couple of months and then he’s gone, I promise.”

“You need to be careful around him anyways.” Yaku warned, not wanting the Motor Club to get ruined thanks to Tetsurou’s new flirt. He would rather be cautious. “And don’t be a paedophile, he’s like, what, 13? And you’re like 50 already. Stop it, it’s disgusting.”

“Yakkun!” The president complained. “I know I’m not up to date with teens these days, but our age difference is barely five years. He’s 20, legal enough to drink.”

Once the bag was ready, they took it upon themselves to hide it in the trunk of a small black car, which they parked on a dark alleyway still in their headquarters’ range. They had grown used to arguing over petty issues, but this time Yaku didn’t only want to contradict Kuroo. He was honestly concerned about him becoming too attached and accidentally –or not– revealing far too much information about the inner workings of their organisation. 

“You get nostalgic over pretty much everything, old man. Just yesterday you complained about it being _years_ since you last went to the beach during summer, and called _summer ’14_ the _good old days_.”

“I don’t remember being nostalgic over the last time we fucked.” Tetsurou teased, receiving a quite painful punch in the arm in response.

Yaku got into the driver’s seat without saying another word, but Tetsurou knew he was not pissed. Otherwise, he would have flipped the entire car upside down or burnt down a church, both real-life examples of the demon senpai’s anger. The mission would be a flop if the teammates were in a tense atmosphere, so the president had to make sure he did not provoke them _too_ much.

“I’m going on my first mission!” A _really_ tall guy exclaimed, full of enthusiasm, as he approached with the proper biker gear. Except for a helmet. He got into the car’s back row, crouching with some difficulty due to his height. “I wanna drive!”

“Lev, we went over this...” The president sighed, tossing him his own helmet, which the tall guy almost failed to catch. He then stepped outside of the car, walking back into Nekoma’s main headquarters. “Yakkun will explain once again for you while I go get another helmet, kay?”

“Sure, leave me all the hard work.” Morisuke complained, but turned around to start re-telling Lev the plan.

Meanwhile, as Tetsurou got back inside their operations’ base, he could get an excuse to talk to Kenma once again before embarking on the mission. After all, there was always a minimal chance of being caught by the police or a rival gang, or even killed; a risk the president had already grown used to. And of course, his childhood crush was always going to be protected from these risks.

Kenma had always been Kuroo’s soft spot. That’s why Tetsurou had made sure he would be Nekoma’s president: in order to choose _who_ went on each mission, so Kenma would never be a part of the most dangerous ones. None of the members could afford to lose the brain of their MC. 

The plan was simple, yet risky. The gang had been feeling quite ambitious when they decided to aim for exactly that foreign banker, contrary to their usual safe- _ish_ operations. As Kenma could tell after investigating about and following their target non-stop, this banker obtained his fortune by following the numbers his son obtained from a 20-sided-die, which would indicate the best investments each year. Simply put, he was one of the richest guys in the country by pure luck. _How annoying_ , the entirety of Nekoma thought.

Therefore, it could be assumed that this banker did not have a cold-hearted attitude towards his son, since his luck was the one driving out all the fortunes. Kenma confirmed this in a flash, just by checking the banker’s son’s social media. He seemed to be a complete daddy’s boy.

One of Nekoma’s main characteristics was that they operated _very lowkey_ , attempting their best not to be noticed at all. So, of course, this time would not be an exception. They planned to kidnap the teenager when most vulnerable, when he would be around the least amount of people patrolling him possible, when no one would notice his absence until it was too late, even if that meant there would be a lot of other people around.

That perfect moment would be during his girlfriend’s masquerade party.

“Oi, pudding!” Tetsu called, with his other helmet already in check. “Could you give me a good luck kiss before I embark on the mission?”

Kenma, who was playing his daily dose of Neko Atsume (or virtual Nekoma, basically), didn’t even look up from his phone to answer. “You’re too far away.”

Naturally and obediently, the president walked over to his sweetheart, sitting next to him while looking at the screen. He knew every single electronic device Kenma owned was carefully fixed so that it would not give away their location, but this also meant he could not play online games at all. His alternative for the larger devices was multiplayer, but no one in the gang was nearly as skilled as him, so he got bored pretty easily. Lev had been trying to get better, which was half a nightmare and half a blessing for Kenma.

“Alright, now gimme my good luck charm.”

“You’re too superstitious for your own good, Kuroo-san.”

Tetsurou got his cheek kiss anyways, 2 precious seconds during which Kenma was not looking directly into his phone. Of course, he had built the excuse that he was certain he wouldn’t do well unless he got a kiss before embarking in a mission, but they both knew the truth behind that. It was the closest thing to being more than friends with Kenma that Tetsurou could wish for, and the best Kenma could offer without giving Tetsurou too many illusions.

“Thanks, pudding.”

“Don’t hurt yourself more than needed.” He reminded him, without changing his usual expression. “And make sure Lev comes back safely.”

* * *

 

After smoking a single, hand-made Cuban cigar (I know, _fancy_ ), Kuroo was back.

“How hard is it to find a fucking helmet, eh?” Yaku complained, perfectly aware of the time. They were set to arrive at their destination at 9:25, when the guests would have just finished arriving and everyone would already have their mask on, and it was already 9:12. “Should’ve taken you much less time than it took me explaining everything again to this newbie.”

“Bro, chill, it just means you’re good at explaining stuff.” Tetsurou had reassured him, or at least attempted to. He quickly got into his motorcycle, fixing his gloves and helmet. “And that we’ll drive topping the speed limit. _Tom_ , you ready?”

_First offence: driving over the speed limit._

The mega tall guy nodded eagerly behind his helmet, already on top of his motorcycle. Morisuke sighed, wondering what had even led him to the criminal lifestyle under Tetsurou’s orders in the first place. Oh, right, his neighbourhood.

In a few seconds, they were off towards that party.

With all of the information for the mission in check, the leader had decided that Morisuke, who was surprisingly the fastest driver, would be in charge of the car in which the banker’s son would be kidnapped. Lev would embark in his first mission, so his job wouldn’t be too complicated: he would just follow Tetsurou, both in elegant suits (they would change their outward biker gear a couple of streets away to make it seem as if they got there walking) as they pretended to be two of the party’s guests.

_Second offence: fraudulent impersonation._

They got there fairly quickly, just a few minutes after their set 9:25. Yaku was outraged, of course, but Kuroo had gotten used to ignoring his protests and then fucking him good enough. Neither of them had feelings for the other, just enough sexual drive to fulfil their necessities when it was too dangerous to go cruising.

Lev and Tetsurou were already in fancy suits and masks, hiding their most important features. Tetsu was experienced enough in impersonation, his voice could change to almost any register imaginable if he wanted to, and Lev had a natural charisma that fooled many people (but also a natural talent for fucking up, reason for which Kuroo had nicknamed him “ _Tom_ ”, so it was very risky taking him), so they got past the bodyguard easily.

Morisuke had taken the time to pull both bikes closer to the ball’s location, not in front of eyewitnesses, of course, but nearby enough for both his peers to catch up with his driving. He would be informed of the right moment to drive the car by the back exit, to kidnap the banker’s son for good.

“The girlfriend’s the short-haired one wearing the puffy black dress.” Tetsurou informed Lev through his small microphone, in a low voice. He was standing nearby the snacks table. “She’s the only one everyone’s taking the time to congratulate.”

“So I distract her, right? Ask her to dance and stuff?"

“Exactly. Try _not_ to step on her feet while I look for the boyfriend.”

Lev did as told, reaching over to the lady in the puffy black dress. “Hello, madame, shall we dance?”

“Sure!” The woman laughed cheerfully, extending a gloved arm in front to take Lev’s hand in his. “My boyfriend seems to be having fun drinking all of the champagne on his own anyways…”

_Black Cat_ heard this through the microphone, and immediately yet cautiously walked over to the alcohol table. Meanwhile, Lev was busy concentrating his best not to accidentally step on the lady, she was not their target.

There he was: that blue-eyed teen who was making the mission _far_ too easy for Nekoma. Tetsurou was proud of many of his talents, but most of all, his ability to charm the gay in “straight” guys. Fuck it; he could charm the hell out of _anyone_. ~~Except for Kenma, or so it seemed.~~

“Mind if I join you?” 

“Daddy told me not to talk to strangers, but you can be an exception~” The already tipsy rich guy attempted to smirk, but resulted in a weird gesture. Sometimes Tetsu wondered how could some people’s alcohol tolerance be so _bad_.

He took a glass of champagne, peeking at Lev and the girlfriend through the corner of his eye. They seemed to be having fun, and weren’t the centre of attention ever since a _really_ busty girl arrived. Good. “How about I change the concept of daddy you have, sweetie?” He suggested, almost maliciously, as his mind stemmed onto perverse thoughts he should definitely not have. “I’ll take you home, let’s get out of this boring shit.”

_Third offence: kidnapping._

The banker’s son laughed, tipsily chugging another glass of champagne. He took of his mask immediately afterwards, clinging onto Tetsurou’s shoulders as he pulled his lips onto his own.

That wasn’t part of the plan, but the good thing was Kuroo got to know that expensive champagne tasted exactly the same as ginger ale.

“Yeah, take me home~” The almost foreign guy cooed, now attempting a wink that looked more like he had something in his eye.

Tetsurou was about to leave his glass of champagne on the table –still full– and leave through the back exit as the plan determined. Lev already knew, for which he had thanked the girlfriend for the dance and walked over to the snacks table to grab something before mixing in with everyone else to leave discreetly.

Except that there was something that was _not_ in their plans.

“Hey, Tetsurou-san?” A tall, blonde guy with glasses called.

“Hmm~ Are you into threesomes or what?” The banker’s son interrupted, too tipsy to notice the change in atmosphere.

Nekoma’s president was left speechless.

_Ken? How the fuck did you recognise me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL KNOW THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. Also, sorry for not making it very kurotsukki-ish this chapter, but the thing is the fic is basically Kuroo x everyone with a more kurotsukki focus, there, I said it.
> 
> The target was _somewhat_ inspired by Hunter x Hunter, I guess. I’ve been watching the 2011 version and the gangster and his daughter were in my mind when writing this chapter, whoops.
> 
> I KNOW, I’VE GOT EXPLAINING. I said I’d update weekly but I’ve failed _twice_ , I’m sorry. I’m a failure. The thing is, I was told last minute that I needed to write a speech, and since my writing inspiration is completely drained as soon as I have to do a work-related assignment, lateness happened. Sorry, I’ll try to be quicker next time!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Feedback is _very_ well appreciated! (My Tumblr)


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